Oh My Lord at the Drama, Folks!

I think all of my readers know that most of the waking part of my day includes educating mostly underachieving freshmen with a few suck-ups sprinkled in the mix. I find my job extremely rewarding because not only do I give instruction on composing various essays, but I also act as a surrogate parent to some of these folks--even the students older than me! In a writing classroom, one can only imagine the confessions, problems, and lifestyle changes students feel necessary to incorporate into one of my essay assignments. Some of it is downright disturbing, too. However, so long as the content meets my criteria and does not make me want to hurl from all the grammar/mechanic/usage errors, I take it in stride, knowing that at 3:30 p.m. Mon-Thursday and at noon on Fridays, I can go home, play with a baby, read a good book, and maybe watch a funny show or two after I put the baby to sleep all the while not thinking about the drama that unfolds in my students' lives until 8:00 the next morning. I like to think of my home as a safe haven from all the problems the outside world has. Inside the walls of that 1924 craftsmen style home, a family of four (counting the Weezy-cat--I did not have another baby)lives with very little conflict. Jeffrey and I don't really fuss and fight. Sure, we disagree on stuff, but we can easily reach a compromise just about all of the time. Jude generally presents us with his good nature. The only times he really cries occur when he's hungry or hurt. The rest of the time, he laughs, plays, and just has himself a good ol' time. Even as a tiny baby, he seemed quite content with life. To say I'm blessed is a big understatement. God has blessed me beyond measure, and while I feel undeserving, I'll certainly take it. One of the things I used to enjoy coming home to was--believe it or not, folks--my computer. Yes, I sit in front of a computer while at work, but my own personal computer allowed me to guiltlessly check Facebook and update this blog. After Jude would go down for the night, I would creep into the den (located just outside his nursery), log in to Facebook and read all the happenings of all of my "friends" (because some of those people I haven't seen since God was a boy, but I was still interested in keeping up with them all the same. If I had the words, I may have pecked out a blog entry to finish up computer time. Then after I felt Jeffrey had sufficient "Man Cave" time, I would sit and watch T.V. with him until I could no longer hold my eyes open. Lately, however, my attitude toward my home computer down time has changed. How Facebook used to provide me with endless entertainment has now turned into a drama network that I find myself having less and less interest in perusing.I have read posts from people my age and people older than me that belittle their spouses, use God as an avenue to brag about all they have when really, it appears they belong to the religion of Materialism, report their obviously terrible decisions yet lash out against anyone who questions them, and other commentary I find absolutely distasteful. Do not even get me started on politics. Everyone who knows me knows my political views. I don't need to vent them on Facebook. I guess the logical thing for me to do in order to purge this annoyance from my life would be taking myself off of Facebook. However, I still have some friends whose pages remain interesting. For example, I have a friend who shares her kindergartener's recounts of his days at school that always have me rolling with laughter, and another friend consistently documents her running regimens which I find inspiring since I too love to run. I also get those occasional surprise posts on my wall from people I don't interact with much, but when they do post on my wall or make a comment on my status, I feel really good about myself. So, no, I don't necessarily want to leave Facebook. The pleasure has not entirely abandoned me. The other solution might consist of unfriending. Several months ago, I did unfriend someone because I thought she was rude and obnoxious. I didn't really care until she brought that mess to my Facebook wall, and then I had to say myself, "Self, why are you friends with her? You haven't seen her since Moses crossed the Red Sea, so get rid of her!" I did just that and haven't missed her. Unfortunately, however, some of these posts that have bothered me recently belong to people that I really do care about. Some of these people I converse with outside of Facebook, which is probably why I feel so bothered. However, if I knew them solely by what they put on Facebook, I probably wouldn't like them at all. For now, I'm visiting Facebook a lot less than I used to, and I think I will give it up completely for Lent (even though that was so two Lenten seasons ago). Maybe someone views my posts as equally horrifying, too. I realize that could happen, and that's ok. All I am saying is my interests are no longer invested in reading such crap anymore.

"Developments"

I realize it has been a minute since my last post. Certainly, I don't consider myself one of those "super-blogger" people. I post as I have time and material worthy of reading. Hopefully, my faithful reader will find this post worthy. In the past few months, I've watched my baby become a little boy. Probably, this little boy thing has been happening for a while, but I can finally bring myself to utter somewhat audibly, "my little boy" instead of "my baby." But oh, do those words taste bitter! I do enjoy Jude at this 19 month age, although every month has been "my favorite month ever" of his life. However, this stage of his childhood really is fun. He talks more, plays more, figures things out more, and sleeps through the night more (exactly a year ago, I really believed I would never sleep again). This week alone, he's hit several milestones. Last night I worked with him on how and when to say "Thank you." After all, every southern mama must instill manners in her boy. He seemed to grasp it, said "Thank you" twice when I would hand him something, but I wasn't convinced he really understood since I was handing him toys over and over and over again and only two times heard the words. Then tonight at Fresh Market, while I had gone to the restroom, Jeffrey handed him part of a cookie, and Jude said, "Thank you" in the same sing song voice I had used teaching him the night before. Also tonight at dinner, Jude at random picked up his spoon, shoveled some food on it, lifted it up, and put it in his mouth with no mess at all. He used perfect coordination, and I was floored. Of course, he only did that twice. The rest of the time, he used his hands or waited for me to feed him with the spoon. A few days ago, Jude left the den in the back of our house and returned with our Ipad. The Ipad was stored up on the window seat at the front of the house. To get there, Jude had to go through the swinging door, open the door to Jeffrey's man cave (the room with the window seat), climb the couch, grab the Ipad, and basically go through those same obstacles to get back to the den. He also did this in a matter of seconds. He does repeat much more of what Jeffrey and I say, which basically boils down to Jeffrey nor I should ever really speak to the child until he's 18. He has a full set teeth, has had those for a while, and he shows a lot of affection to Jeffrey and me as well as some of his stuffed animals. Yep. He's hit every developmental milestone right on target, if not ahead of schedule. Except one. Jude still doesn't walk. Don't get wrong. The kid is mobile. He crawls faster than the government can spend. He can also stand while holding on to something and move around that way. But as far as Jude standing on his own and walking, it's not happening at the moment. I wouldn't allow myself to be concerned because I know that every child is different. I found it quite annoying (still do, even) when anyone makes comments about his lack of walking. I just want to say, "Yeah. I know he doesn't walk, and I know he stands on his tip toes and won't put his feet flat on the ground. Maybe he's practicing for Toddlers and Tiaras. Hell, I'll still love him anyway!" Not that I don't think anyone's concerns didn't come from a place of love. I know they did. However, I never want to be one of those mothers who completely flips out when her child is less than perfect. Although, I do believe that Jude is perfectly Jude. However, with every passing month, I do become more and more concerned. My child has hit EVERY milestone he should EXCEPT walking. His pediatrician thinks he is just scared, and the doctor could be right. Jude is a cautious child. However, I can tell now that he wants to walk, and he's trying, but he can't. Therefore, Jeffrey and I have decided to take Jude to another doctor for a second opinion. We hope we can get Jude walking soon because we know he would discover a whole new realm of the world standing on two feet. Yes,I know he will not go to kindergarten still moving on all fours, but we just want to help him the best way we know how.

30 Days of Thankfulness Rolled Into One

I pride myself in not jumping on bandwagons, but I can no longer resist the "Thankful" trend that has filled my newsfeed on Facebook. I've honestly enjoyed reading everyone's posts, and usually, I scoff at that sort of thing. I guess motherhood has softened me after all. Anyway, I lack the discipline to keep something up for thirty days straight (unless it's eating), and since I've fallen way behind, I'll just post all 30 expressions of gratitude right here.

1. I am thankful for my husband, Jeffrey Brown. It dawned on me this week that we have been together (by together, I mean we go back to our dating years) for a decade now. Wow. Someone has put up with all of my crap for ten years, and with very little alcohol consumption. Of course, I generally win him over with wit, dessert, and by wearing short skirts on occasion. A day has never gone by when Jeffrey hasn't told me I was beautiful/smart/perfect, even though most of the time, I'm convinced he's just making it all up. Regardless, I do love that man. 

2. My most precious gift from God is my little boy, Vincent Jude Brown. I never knew love like I have for him until I heard his little heartbeat for the first time. It astounds me how much that love grows every day. I know in my heart that nothing could make me stop loving him (and I write this after I changed a really rancid cloth diaper and fussed at him for pitching a fit over...well, I never did figure it out). Jude is my world, and he will never know the extent of my love for him until he has a child of his own. 

3. I am thankful for my house. Four years ago, Jeffrey and I purchased our dream home, a 1920s craftsman style house. It is beautiful, it is comfortable, and most importantly, it is home. It is also big enough that we will never have to move again unless some super awesome job opportunity from far away opens up. 

4. I am thankful for financial security. In the last few weeks, I've made some bone-head moves to the tune of losing my car keys that have cost my family several hundred dollars, and just before Christmastime, too. Fortunately, we have the money to cover the costs, and we did not have to dip into savings to cover it. Even though replacing the keys has been nothing but a headache, I realize now the importance of having a savings account and living cheaply. 

5. I love Holmes Community College where I work. My students' progress throughout a semester brings me great joy, and I especially love when they feel comfortable enough to share their lives with me (even though there are more than enough times when I wish they would just stop). Seeing them each day reminds me that I have a purpose, and I am so thankful that at the young age of 24 when I first started working there, I actually found my calling.

6. I am thankful for the faculty and staff at Holmes Community College. These people are my family away from my family. A week day does not go by when I'm not laughing with at least one of them. I love my English Department so much. We have so much fun together, and I think they are all so very wise. Unlike a lot of colleges where professors generally squat in one location, I have good friends outside of the department. Folks from the math, history, social science, and art departments have made my day on numerous occasions, too. In fact, I love these people so much, I married one of the employees! (In all fairness, though, we married before we moved to Goodman.)
7. Please note that this list is in no particular order, except for what just happens to come to mind. If it was, my Weezy-cat would pretty much top the list. I love my cat so much. She's the first pet I've ever had not in a cage (except for Bingo, a beagle/schnauzer/retard mix my parents got my sister and me when we were little but promptly sent to the farm when we couldn't train him. Also, I'm reasonably sure they sent him to a literal farm instead of what the euphemism implies). Anyway, Weezy is truly a special pet. She has helped me study for Masters Comps by keeping my study materials warm from where she would plop down on them for hours, curled up with me while I was sick or upset, and has watched many a chick flick on television with me (Dirty Dancing being her all time favorite). Ok, ok, so she lays around a lot, but I love her just the same.

8. I am thankful for my mother, Miriam Wahl. We have a beautifully strange mother/daughter connection. She's not the sort that calls me every day, takes me shopping or lounges around with me watching chick flicks (that's what the cat is for--see #7), and she certainly does not live vicariously through me or my sister. I have to admit that sometimes I get a little jealous when I see other girls with their mothers doing those things. However, she has instilled in me confidence, independence, problem solving abilities, and a really quick wit that allows me to hang with just about anyone--qualities I don't typically see in other girls my age. Also, we do have fun together, and I know she's always there when I need her, but I am glad she has let me fly freely with very little interference my entire adult life. 

9. I don't know what I'd do without Daddy. That man has shown me nothing but compassion my entire life. When my parents first divorced, I felt I had to get mad at someone, and I took my anger out on him. Still, he always told me he loved me, and I really didn't deserve it. Now, we've become very good friends. I had the honor of aiding in nursing him back to health after his hip replacement. That remains one of the most precious times in my life.
10. I thank God for my big sister, Amanda. She was and remains a positive example in my life. I can pretty much tell her anything even though she's going to come at me with advice, whether I want it or not. I don't tell her this enough, mainly because I want to keep my Amanda humble, but she really paved the way for me and made tough transitions like going to jr. high, then high school, then college go smoothly. Perhaps the best thing she ever did for me, though, was prep me for childbirth. I wasn't at all nervous about going into labor until my epidural didn't work. Of course, no one could prepare for that.

11.

Somebody Shoot Me

Today, I received an email from a student that read something like this: "i can't do this assignment will you please shoot me now." I have to admit I had a good laugh over it, but then I began to look at all I had to accomplish this week and thought, "Honey, I feel your pain." While I should be plowing away at these Comp. 1 papers, writing two tests for tomorrow, and grading through an enormous amount of quizzes and group projects--all so I can turn in midterm grades by Friday at noon--I choose to take a few moments out of the chaos to write down a few of my own words. It never fails. The 8th week of classes, I find myself behind in grading and ready to pull my hair out. In fact, I should take a few moments to thank God for giving me super thick hair because by now, in my seventh year of this madness, I should have none. Anyway, it will all be over in a few short days. In a few short days, I will find myself back in Oxford, where I first met my husband and took some of my first steps in pursuing my dream job which, temporarily, has become a grading hell hole, and I will watch Ole Miss stomp the hell out of Auburn (hey, a girl can dream). In a few short days, I won't have to multitask bouncing a toddler on my lap while combing through the Mrs.-Brown-please-give-me-some-extra-credit-because-I-failed-to-do-the-assigned-work emails. It's coming--in just a few short days. Until...it starts back up again around Weeks 14-16. Shoot me now.

Vincent Jude--15 month old Extraordinaire

Yesterday, we took Jude for his 15 month check-up (even though he turns 16 months in about a week). This was our first trip back to the pediatrician since his 12 month check-up. You read that right. Jude has not been sick in months. My pocketbook thanks him. Let's just keep this streak a-goin.' Anyway, he got three shots, none of which he particularly loved. As usual, he didn't hesitate to make us aware of his strong feelings toward the shots. Another part of the visit that had him come apart almost as much included the head measurements. That kid will wear a hat to bed if I would let him, but put a measuring tape around his noggin, and prepare to hear screams loud enough to alert DHS. So here are a few stats: Height--32 in. 70th percentile Weight--24.3 lbs. 50th percentile Head Circumference--can't remember, but a healthy sized egg head for sure Teeth--more than the entire population of Alabama (Seriously, kid's got a lot of teeth. Doc thinks he'll have them all in before the year is up.) His weight is up more than it has ever been. He usually fluctuated somewhere between the 25th and 35th percentile, but now we're dead on average. I guess I feed him pretty well. I don't quite understand the rapid weight gain since I closely monitor his eating. The child has never met a french fry or chicken nugget and won't for a very long time. Of course, Doc seems quite pleased with the weight gain, so therefore I'm happy with it too. I actually experiment a lot with his diet. Weird food that Jude seems to enjoy includes beets, anything with leeks in it, butternut squash and apple soup, hummus, lamb, and roasted eggplant. Of course, he loves a banana, so much so, that he learned to say "banana" before "mama." We're even thinking of dressing him as a banana for Halloween. We still don't walk yet, but Doc says no big deal. Truthfully, I hadn't been too terribly concerned about it. I know he has the ability, but he's a very cautious child. I've never seen a baby play with toys as carefully as Jude does. He picks them up, examines them from every possible angle, puts them down, and then plays. He does the same thing with his feet. He'll slowly put one in front of the other, stay that way for a second, and then ultimately decide "Nope. Not today" and bring that foot back. So yeah, I imagine walking will take a while. He crawls like a champ, though, and he can walk pretty good if he holds on to the edge of something. I did score some wicked awesome mom points for not giving Jude a night bottle any more. In fact, he kicked that habit before he turned one. He's also a very good water drinker--probably because I won't give him anything else, except for milk no more than twice a day. I actually need to start doing this for myself as well. Of course, as proud as I am of his development, he's not perfect. (Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he is!)He still likes to get into the cat food, which always results in none of us being happy. I fuss, he cries, and Weezy sulks. So far, I like the toddler stage, but I do miss my infant. God blessed me with a child who has been more or less easy from the moment of his conception. I pray every day for his continued happiness and health.

Validation

Ever have one of those days where you just realize you've chosen the right path? Today proved that kind of day for me, and what a great feeling, too. My seventh year at Holmes has not gotten off to such a hot start, not because I hate my job or anything, but because I've had to endure so many changes at once, from a friend retiring to a four day school week to teaching both eight AND sixteen week courses to learning a new software writing program that, quite frankly, stinks. About two weeks ago, at about the time I spent two hours of my precious office time working through some software kinks and chewing out the company's tech support, I made a decision. I would no longer let any of this get me down. Sure, by the time I get home these days I would like to worry less about getting supper on the table and just pass out instead, but I had to find a way to roll with the punches or lose my sanity completely. Therefore, I took the ol' take-it-one-day-at-a-time approach. It has been no easy feat for sure. I still stress out on a daily basis, but today, I realized that it didn't matter what problems I had with work because I realized that I really am in the right place! This semester, I teach an eight week Beginning English class. This course is for students who couldn't score high enough on the ACT to go into Comp. 1, so they take two semesters of Pre-Core English to finally get to the point where they can take the college level class. In short, the average ACT English subscore probably averages out to about a single digit. While I can't promise these students will be the next Pulitzer Prize recipients, I can pretty much guarantee some proficiency when they leave my class. Working with this clientele isn't easy, and it isn't for anybody. Some days, I walk into a very hostile environment, and other days they don't complain; they don't take notes, but they don't piss me off either. Every day, though, they just want me to care about them whether they realize it or not. This semester, I've had the "pleasure" of teaching two young men who, quite frankly, have made me want to rip my own face off since week one. They do just enough that I can't kick them out, but talk about a couple of jerks. Anyway, this morning, to get the students ready for their next test, I would randomly pose questions throughout today's lesson and throw pencils at the students who answered the questions correctly. This seemed to awaken my two fellas, as they pretty much dominated that game. Of course, I ran out of pencils but wanted to keep the momentum going so I just started throwing random pieces of chalk and Post-It note papers at them, which thrilled them just as well. Anyway, I don't understand why such a thing changed their tunes, but it sure did prompt one of them to stay after class, look me dead in the eye, and apologize for his behavior over the last couple of weeks. It seriously brought tears to my eyes, so I had to quickly kick him out before he could see. Right after that class, I met my British Lit. class. This group consists of several with ACT scores in the high twenties and low thirties. (And since I meet this group immediately after Beginning English, it takes me a few minutes to regroup.) For the most part, they are a very bright group of individuals--a little lazy at times, but it doesn't take them long to figure out that Mrs. Brown doesn't play that game. Anyway, I found out yesterday that we get to go on a field trip in a couple of weeks! We will sojourn to Memphis for the Tennessee Shakespeare Company's production of The Complete Works of Shakespeare, Abridged. Now, I was excited when the opportunity presented itself this week, but I wasn't sure if my students would get into the idea. However, every single one wants to go, even though we're leaving at seven in the morning. (Of course, they want to get out of school for a day, but they really did seem excited about the play.) Then after discussing the field trip, they pretty much kicked ass on their Middle English translation project, and I think they are looking forward to starting Chaucer next week. So it occurred to me that even though my stress levels have gone through the roof a time or two this semester, I'm proud to have a career as rewarding as what I have. God has looked after me all these years and put me where he needs me, even though I fought tooth and nail while in college to not teach. I guess what I realized today is that even though I go through some hard times at work, at least I feel at home. My band director from Ole Miss used to tell us every day in practice, "You motivate me." I can still see his tall lanky self standing over all three hundred of us in that treehouse of a band tower with his hands clasped together taking just a few seconds out of our otherwise busy agenda to tell us that (along with "Bringaponchobringaponchobringaponcho"). Took long enough, but I finally get it.

Whirlwind Fall

I have a love/hate relationship with the fall season. I love it because the air feels slightly (only slightly) cooler, I can put out my Weezy-cat Halloween decorations (that admittedly, I leave up until Christmas because--well, come on--the decorations look like Weezy!), the State Fair comes to Jackson, and of course, Ole Miss and Green Bay Packer football. Of course, I have many other reasons I like the fall, but these just happen to top the list. Fortunately, the good reasons outnumber the bad ones. One thing only keeps me from declaring fall my favorite season: time (read: lack thereof). As Jessi Spano from the critically acclaimed show "Saved By the Bell" so famously proclaimed, "NO TIME! THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME," I feel her pain as I too sometimes feel like popping a few No-Doz from time to time. Last week alone, we attended three--THREE--football games, went to swimming lessons, attended the visitation of a friend's father, and got home by 11:00 p.m. three of those nights. I also encountered some more issues with the writing lab software my online class uses. (In case anyone wonders, I have a hate/strongly hate relationship with that lab software). None of that even includes my day-to-day routine of waking up at 5 a.m. to run, teaching from 8-3:30, helping with the band's colorguard after school until five, or teaching Sunday School on Sunday mornings. Yeah, fall's kind of busy. At this point, someone may wonder, "What about Jude?" Well, from 8-3:30 he plays with his buddies at Ms. Lily's house while Jeffrey and I work. The rest of our activities, however, he comes with us. As it turns out, he loves a football game, mainly because he won't miss an opportunity to become the center of attention, but I've caught him looking down at the field and following the action. He shines in swimming lessons. I've never seen a child love the water so much. Jude even sits in my lap while I work on my online class. Of course, he gets a little perturbed at the glaringly obvious grammatical errors in the papers I grade, so then he gets down and crawls off to play with his bead maze. I guess if I saw Jude looking distressed over the busy-ness of our schedule, I would probably shuffle some things around and give up other things. However, he seems to enjoy going with the flow. I do make sure he has a decent bed time (although I slack on the weekends some), is bathed every night, and eats meals packed with nutrients cooked by moi even if I have to pack them in to-go plates. I do love fall, but I look forward to Thanksgiving when the activities slow down a little. I guess every family has a busy season, and right now, we're at the peak of ours.